Girls Versus Boys
by xXxAngelDestined2FallxXx
Summary: Post Breaking Dawn. Every girl in the Cullen family is fighting with their partners, even Renesmee. The men are flabbergasted and the women are out for revenge. Filled with hilarity and anger, who will win when it comes to a grudge match between the sexes?
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV

"Edward!" I yelled. "I cannot believe you! How could you do that?"

He shrugged and put his hand on my shoulder. My eyebrows shot up instinctively upon realizing that it wasn't icy anymore. I had never gotten over the fact that we're the same temperature. I shrugged out from under his hand and stood, putting my hands on my hips.

"I didn't realize you had those plans, love. I swear it!"

I groaned ad folded my arms over my chest. "That's not the point. You didn't even think to tell me that you'd let her go!"

It seemed like we had been having this argument for hours. I was mad. I didn't understand how my sweet and considerate Edward could let Renesmee go to Jacob's house for a barbeque on the day I was supposed to get her registered in elementary school without telling me! Her growth rate had decreased exceedingly and I thought it might be nice for her to go to school for the short remainder of the year. It was hard enough to get the appointment with the principal this late in the year and I didn't want to think about how hard I'll have to try to reschedule.

"Maybe if you had told me that you were planning to go to the appointment today this could have been avoided," he persisted, copying my stance.

I rolled my eyes. "You were out with Emmett when I first heard the news and it never came up!"

"Don't you think I ought to know these things?" he shouted.

Edward was adamant about keeping Renesmee at home for as long as possible. True, she was definitely more intelligent than any other child that was, well, that _looked_, her age. But Alice, Rosalie and Esme agree that it might be nice for her to have the chance to get to know other kids.

"You knew this appointment was coming; I warned you about it weeks ago! Besides, it might be nice for her to go out and socialize with other kids!" I told him calmly.

"Then take her to the park!" he yelled louder. "There's no need for her to get enrolled in a _school_!" He spat the word out as if it were something dirty. "She grows too quickly and they would realize it!"

"There's only a few weeks left to the year, Edward, and you know for a fact that her growth has pretty much come to a halt at the moment. Carlisle said it could be weeks before it picks up again."

It was true; my seven-month-old daughter was stuck in a seven-year-old's body for the time being, which suited me just fine.

"Who do you think is going to take her?"

I sighed. "I'll take her, Edward, you won't have to move a muscle!" This was strange, Edward was usually eager to be involved in things like this.

"Do you really believe she wants to be stuck in a classroom for six hours!"

I groaned. "She has been complaining about being stuck here for a while now! It might be good for her to make some friends her own age . . . or looking like they could be her age anyway."

Edward hissed. "Don't you realize how much money we would be throwing away if this doesn't work out?!"

I blanched, immediately realizing that he was just being stubborn. That last line proved it. Money meant next to nothing to Edward and the other Cullens . . . well, besides me. I still stressed over anyone spending too much money on anything. But I knew that this was a good opportunity for Renesmee. Now I realized what this fight was all about. I dropped my arms to my side and my expression grew soft. I walked up to him and put my hands on his chest.

"Edward," I said gently, "I think you and I both know that this isn't about the time or the money or the complications." I smirked up at him. "This is about your daughter, isn't it?"

He sighed, knowing that the game was up. I had found him out. "I just don't feel comfortable . . ." He trailed off, unsure about how to continue.

"Letting her out of the house for the first time?" I finished for him.

He glowered. "She goes out!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, to go to the beach with Jacob or shopping with Alice or to the movies or dinner with me or Rose or Esme or Emmett. In other words: she goes out to places and with people that you can keep tabs on."

He scoffed. "That's not the point!" he insisted.

"The point is that Renesmee is growing up and you're afraid that the minute you give a taste of her own freedom she'll outgrow you and want to be away more often." I wrapped my arms around his waist and peered into his amber eyes. "Edward, she's your daughter. She will always be your daughter. But she's going to grow up someday, you know. You won't always be able to monitor her. I think it's time you let her experience life for herself, just for a little while. I will personally guarantee that she will come back."

He closed his eyes. "We are not discussing this, Bella. I refuse to allow her to go! That's the end of it!"

I groaned loudly and stepped away from him. "You know what, Edward. I say she is! And I don't want you to be bitter about this!"

"There's nothing to be bitter about! I know what's best for my daughter!"

I winced at his words and my eyes widened. My nostrils flared in fury and I froze. "What is that supposed to mean? That I don't? That I'm not a good mother for insisting that she go to school?!"

His eyes widened too, in shock. "No!" he said quickly. "No, that's not what I meant! Bella –-"

"Save it," I cut him off, headed for the door of our little cottage. "You've made your thoughts very clear! I'll see you when you get from your hunting trip. I'm sure Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle are eager to hear your side. I'm not, though!" And I took off towards the main Cullen house, not planning on forgiving him any time soon.

Rosalie's POV

"I thought I told you never to drive my car!" I shouted as we walked through the forest towards the house.

"It was Jasper's idea," Emmett defended himself, following me as I strode angrily through the greenery.

I couldn't count how many times I had told Emmett never to drive my car! Never! And on top of that, he had the gall to damage the left side of the bumper! Worst of all, it was all because of a stupid bet he had with Jasper. I would have to talk to Alice about that. Soon.

"I know what you're thinking, babe," he said, trailing after me. "And please don't get Jasper in trouble!"

I rolled my eyes. "You were both acting like complete idiots!" I hollered.

He winced and grabbed my shoulder. "True, but it wouldn't do any good to put him in the dog house as well. Besides, I'll pay for the damages."

I groaned. "I _know _you will!" I hissed. "But that's not the point, Emmett! The point is that you broke the trust! I went hunting thinking I could trust you and Jasper, more importantly you, not to behave like primates while I'm gone and you make a bet on who can drive the fastest! How dare you?"

He sighed and gazed at me. "I'm sorry, Rosalie."

"Sorry doesn't fix my bumper. That car will never be _perfect _again!"

"I told you," he said exasperated, "I will –-"

"No!" I interrupted. "Let me tell you what's going to happen. You _will_ pay for a new bumper. You _will_ find a way to make this up to me. You _will _relay that message to Jasper. But you _won't _be getting lucky tonight! Or any other night!" Before he could respond I was speeding through the woods, knowing that I would be home in a matter of seconds and have a chance to clear my head.

Alice's POV

"Jasper!" I gasped, holding up the shredded fabric in my hands. "How _could _you?!"

He looked own at it before grinning sheepishly. "You packed those clothes in the back of the closet. Isn't that where you pack the clothes you were going to send to goodwill?"

I growled. "NO! That is where I pack the clothes I will not wear for one season until they come back into style! So how could you use them to _scrub your motorcycle?!_"

There was a trace of fear in his eyes and I was happy about it. He was right to be afraid. What in the world gave him the right to go rummaging through my closet and use my clothes to clean his stupid bike?! I was furious. Half these items were antique and cost hundreds of dollars. Some impossible to replace! Now they were a pile of grease stained rags!

"Alice, it was an honest mistake . . ."

"What possessed you to think that I wouldn't mind it if you used my old clothes as rags?!" I shouted. I heard someone enter the house from downstairs but I didn't pay attention to it.

"I thought they were going to goodwill!" he yelled back.

"As if that makes it any better!" I said acidly. "So in your mind, you weren't stealing the clothes from me but you were stealing them from the less fortunate. Somehow that doesn't make it better!"

He flinched at the venom in my voice. "Alice, I'm sorry I upset you." The he shrugged and went back to watering the flower that stood on the windowsill. "But they _are _just clothes."

I hissed and my nostrils flared. "_JUST CLOTHES?!" _I roared. He opened his mouth to defend himself but I shoved the small pile of rags into his open jaw before he could. Then I stomped on his foot viciously before turning around and storming down the stairs.

He acted as if he didn't know me at all! What the hell?! I couldn't believe my Jasper was capable of that!

Esme's POV

"Carlisle," I said from the doorway of his office in the Forks Hospital. I hardly came here, but I was missing him at home. "Are you still busy with many patients?"

He looked over at me and waved me in. I closed the door beg-hind me and sat down opposite from him at the table, where he was shuffling through large stacks of paperwork.

"I'm just trying to finish my thesis on Renesmee before I come home. I'm going to organize this from the day she was born to –-"

"Wait," I interrupted sharply. "You can't honestly tell me that all this is about Renesmee?" I was shocked.

He nodded, never looking up from the desk. "I'm going to try and calculate the exact measurements of growth to see if I can find a pattern somewhere . . ." he trailed off.

"You need to stop this, Carlisle!" I snapped sharply. "It's stopped for now and I think you should just let her be. Besides, you don't need to do this! Nahuel has already explained to us everything we need to know! She will be absolutely fine!"

"I know that," he drawled out. "But there's still so much to learn! She is simply fascinating!"

The words were meant to be a compliment, but I didn't appreciate the context he used them in. "You're treating her more like a science experiment than a family member. Than your granddaughter!"

He shook his head. "You don't understand, Esme. She is so captivating. So many things still to be discovered. I'm trying to find a way to see whether she is more human or more vampire," he said, lowering his voice.

I winced. "This is ridiculous! I was looking forward to spending some time with you before you left with the boys to go hunting."

Carlisle sighed in regret. "I'm still so busy here and –-"

"Are you saying you would rather sit here and continue with this nonsense than be with me?!"

He looked up, a hint of confusion in his eye.

"All right, then," I said, getting up, "have fun on your trip. But don't expect me to be ready for you when you get back." Then I swiftly left the building and got into the car, racing home. I needed to clear my head. This was all too much.

Renesmee's POV

"Why would you say that, Jacob?!" I screamed as I jumped out of his car at the Cullen's house.

He got out the other side and jogged up to me. "You know I didn't mean it, Nessie," he said, trying to grab my shoulders.

I stepped back deliberately and his face fell. Normally, this would make me feel exceptionally guilty, but not after what I'd heard him talk to Leah about. He was just being mean, calling my family _bloodsuckers_. Aunt Rosalie had called him a dog before, it's true, but that was all in good fun and in front of him. Jacob actually seemed furious when he was telling Leah about how he didn't want to have to face _that bloodsucker_ once he found out that Jacob knew I was going to start school. Worst of all, he was talking about my _father_.

"I'm sorry, Renesmee, but I wasn't serious. I was just kinda upset at that moment, you know?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't know! That was mean Jacob! I want you to apologize to my dad"

I watched as his eyes bulged and jaw clenched. "I'm not going to do that," he said calmly.

"Why not?" I put my hand on my hips.

"Because you're just being ridiculous. This is silly. You know I was just messing around with Leah."

"Even worse! That means you didn't even have to think about calling him that! You just did!"

He rolled his eyes. "Ness, that's just instinctual. Vampires and werewolves are natural enemies. I didn't mean anything by it."

"_Natural enemies?!_" I spat out. "What does that make me to you, Jake? I'm half vampire!"

He blinked. "Well, that's different –-"

"Otherwise, if you're calling my dad a _bloodsucker_ what does that make me. I _am _his daughter!"

"You're not like him, though –-"

"What's _that _supposed to mean?!"

He stammered for words and I turned around sharply, walking to the house. "You know what, Jacob, save it. Have a good weekend. I just hope you don't expect me to be a big part of it."

I walked straight to the door without looking back once, but I could feel his anxious gaze on my back as I did.


	2. Chapter 2

Rosalie's POV

I stormed into the living room after slamming the front door and paused when I saw Bella sitting in the recliner, a frustrated look gracing her newborn face.

"I thought you were with Edward?" I asked gently.

It was a lot easier now, being civil towards her. Now I had no reason to dislike her. Though I expected to feel even more envious of her after the birth of her child, now that she had everything I would have wanted if I had ever thought it possible, I could feel nothing but compassion for her, having finally made a good choice for the family. I didn't regret helping her save Renesmee. And it formed a new kind of friendship that was still growing strong.

She groaned. "Don't even mention that name to me! He's acting like such a child these days!"

I sighed. "Don't even try to tell me about immaturity. Especially after what I just had to go through with Emmett. Sometimes, I feel more like a babysitter than a wife or girlfriend, you know?"

She nodded vehemently and I heard Alice stomped down the stars and fling her Gucci purse onto the sofa in a fury, hopping angrily next to it and crossing her knees.

"You have no idea what I just went through with Jasper!" she fumed in her high pitched soprano. "It's unbelievable how he treated me this afternoon!"

"Don't even try to talk to me about unbelievable!" Esme piped up from the doorway, making us all turn to look at her. "Unbelievable is what I just endured talking to Carlisle at the hospital!"

"What is up with the men in this family?" I asked.

Bella shrugged. "They must have hunted deer with rabies or something because, I swear."

Alice nodded. Just then a car pulled up in the driveway and Renesmee hopped out, a sour expression on her face, and an apologetic looking Jacob ran up to her. I knew I shouldn't pry so I turned my head and tried to focus on Esme and Alice's discussion about what might have caused the sudden maturity level in all of our husbands. I heard the car drive off and Nessie stormed into the room.

"Jacob is acting like such a child!" she cried out.

I giggled and realized that it must have been bad if a child could call him a child. "What happened?"

"He doesn't seem to realize that words can be hurtful sometimes!"

She walked over to where Bella was sitting and hopped onto her lap. Bella held her to her chest and I noticed that Alice still hadn't finished theorizing. I doubted I'd ever seen her this frustrated in the fifty or so years that I'd known her.

"What exactly did Jasper do, Alice?" I asked warily.

"You're never going to believe this!" she mused, then dove into it. "Okay, so I came back from the store and I had just bought the cutest pair of jeans! So I thought it would really look amazing with this vintage white blouse I had stored in the back of my closet for next season. I open the closet and dig around but I can't find my pile of clothes anywhere. So I use my sense of smell to see if I'd left them anywhere around the house." Her eyes narrowed. "I found the whole stack in the garage, no more than rags now and covered in grease and oils. I confronted Jasper who used it _to clean his motor bike_."

"No!" I gasped, shocked.

She nodded. "He said he thought that pile was going to goodwill! As if that justifies anything!"

I shook my head and groaned. "That _is _unbelievable!" I looked at Bella. "What did Edward do this time?"

She sighed. "You know how I was supposed to enroll Renesmee in school, for the remainder of the year?" We all nodded and Renesmee's eyes lit up joyfully. "Well, apparently he forbids her to go. Not that that makes a difference; she is going. But he was finding every possible excuse for her not to go! It was laughable! When I asked him if this was all just because he didn't want to see his daughter grow up, he tried to cover up by _accusing _me of not being a good mom!"

"What?" Esme started. "That doesn't sound like Edward at all!"

"He said that he was her father and that he knew what was best for _his_ daughter!" she quoted. "That is just below the belt!"

"Totally," I agreed.

"What did Uncle Emmett do, Aunt Rose?" Renesmee piped up from Bella's lap.

I rolled my eyes. "He and Jasper had a bet on who could drive the fastest and he ended up crashing my car!" I groaned.

"You would think he'd know better by now," Alice chided.

I nodded at her. "Exactly! And that's not even the killer part. The car can easily be replaced. It's the fact that I trusted him to be civil while I was away and after the countless times I had told him not to drive my car without telling me, I would have thought he'd be more grown-up about it!"

Everyone looked at Renesmee.

"I'm curious," Bella said, setting Nessie down on the chair next to hers. "What on earth could Jacob had done to cause you to storm away from his car like that?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. I smiled at how much she could be like her mother. "He called dad a _bloodsucker_. That is so demeaning and I don't want to forgive him any time soon. It was awful to hear him say it. What does that make me?!"

We all nodded sympathetically until Alice looked at Esme, a look of envy in her amber eyes.

"You're so lucky Carlisle is a sweet, mature man, Esme," she said softly.

Esme surprised us all by barking out a laugh. "If only you knew what I went through today, Alice. It's true, Carlisle is an extraordinary man, but today he would have rather sat at his work desk and sort through paperwork than spend time with me before they left." She shook her head sadly.

"Why are men such jerks?" Renesmee asked suddenly.

We all laughed and Alice leaned over to pat her ankle.

"Don't worry," she said. "You'll get used to it."

We all looked at one another for a long minute, until Alice spoke up.

"Well," she said, getting up. "All the boys have left for their trip and are probably having a good time talking about how over-sensitive we all are." She rolled her eyes. "And I'm not going to just sit here and mope about recent events. Who's with me?"

"What exactly do you plan on doing, Alice?" Bella asked.

"Look, all I'm saying is that the guys have gone on their hunting trip for the next three days, probably knowing that they might have ruined our entire weekends, and we're just going to sit here and let them have all the fun?" She shook her head. "I say we do something to show in their faces that they didn't make us miserable. Go out and rent a hotel room or go shopping or something. Anything! As long as we're not sitting here wallowing in our own pity."

We all exchanged looks and Renesmee stood up. "I'm with Aunt Alice! Let's go and have fun!"

We all looked at Bella, knowing that her decision affected Renesmee's. Eventually, a huge grin broke out across her face.

"Fine!' she said at last.

Alice jumped up and down, clapping her hands so quickly it was a blur. "Yay!" she squeaked. Then she looked around at each one of our faces. "Pack your bags, ladies. We're going to Vegas!"

Emmett's POV

"We're losing time standing around and arguing about the best route to take," Edward complained to Carlisle.

"We'll get to the reservation with plenty of time to spare," he replied calmly.

There was a rustling in the trees and I picked up the dog smell before the familiar face of Jacob Black emerged from the forestry.

"Hey," he said, seeming kind of sheepish. "You guys don't mind if I spend the weekend hunting with you, do you?"

We all looked at one another until Edward spoke up. "That's alright. Why do you want to join us?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'm definitely not going to hag out with Renesmee this weekend."

Before Edward had the chance to respond I put my arm around his hot shoulders and led him closer to us. "The more the merrier! We'll all catch up later; we have some running to do!"

Edward continued pointing out the best tracks to Carlisle, and I vaguely wondered what the girls were up to . . .


End file.
